Saga of the Gods of Geek

Originally a Facebook note, posted Sept. 19th, 2010 (fittingly, my first semester as a PhD student)

In the beginning, Analytikos wanted to make a choice. And yet, Prokrastinates distracted him with countless questions. Prokrastinates was a wily god, but Analytikos was equal in his clever ways, and so it seemed as though they would argue for an eternity.

From their argument came pouring out a flurry of confusion, and this confusion became Literati. So it was that Literati, who had no patience for Analytikos, and who was too emotional to do nothing as Prokrastinates bid, Literati began to cry. Neither of the other gods had patience for Literati’s feelings, and so to contain his outpouring of whining, Analytikos and Prokrastinates joined together to create Mount Academia to contain his furious sobbing. Analytikos and Prokrastinates spent their time making the land of Mount Academia more complicated and filled with more distractions, so that they could find sanctuary from the earnest expressions of Literati.

Heartbroken that his feelings were not heard, Literati labored to become more like his only companions. He tried to imitate the precision of Analytikos and the nonchalance of Prokrastinates, and the result was a giant block of stone, into which he had carved images of his attempts at making friends. This block of stone became greater than Literati, and soon became a new god, Gutenburg. The stone god laid waste to the forests in the name of beauty, which was upsetting Literati greatly, and yet Literati was glad nonetheless, for as Gutenburg created paper, Analytikos came near. To this days, every word on every page is a battle between Literati and Analytikos.

It happened that Gutenburg met the goddess Anekdota, who had just been stood up by Prokrastinates at their second date (it would be learned later that he was actually just running thirteen hours late). Gutenburg and Anekdota fell deeply in love, and they had the children Teknologia and Kalkulates.

Enraged that Anekdota had left him for Gutenburg, Prokrastinates decided to seduce Teknologia. As a result she had the daughter Artisia, who was beautiful, thoughtful, and moody beyond compare. Relieved to find someone who had feelings like him, Literati walked past Artisia three thousand times, dropping pencils, papers, and books, and even tripping himself in hopes that she might notice him. When she did she found him foolish and nonsensical, but she fell in love with him anyway. So it was that they had three children, Komik god of Comics, Dice god of Dungeons and Dragons, and Gymnasia goddess of sports. All of these children inherited the energy of their parents, the ability to distract of their grandfather and their hidden wisdom from Teknologia.

There was a golden age of harmony between the gods, because all mythologies need a golden age that no one in any age actually attests to living in, and Academia prospered. Until one day Prokrastinates, still seeking vengeance for his wounded pride, brought together Teknologia, Kalkulates, Literati, and Artisia. Under the semblance of an intellectual pursuit, he welded their powers together, and they created something too mighty and horrible for comprehension: the video game. And from that day forward, Prokrastinates claimed victory over much of Academia, undermining the dominion of the other gods in whatever way he could find, the video game his primary weapon (which would later evolve into the even more insidious facebook application). This is the saga of the gods of Geek, of how Academia was born.

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